By:  Velinda Peyton


Over the years I have frequently been asked to write about relationships.  I am definitely not an expert on relationship!  Actually, I wonder if anyone is?  With all our differences, two people come together to blend and make a life with each other.  With all that will affect and challenge your relationship, they are worth all the pain and effort.

So, here is (some of) what I’ve learned from life about Relationships.

“The people you let into your life, and allow them to stay

can make your life heaven or hell on earth”


Relationships are life.  They are what we are here for.  The quality of your relationships is essential to the quality of your life. Choose wisely.

Both men and women want a deep, meaningful, lasting, close relationship. 

Both men and women get their hearts broken, are vulnerable and afraid, and hate rejection.  Both sexes want to feel the other person is really interested in them just the way they are before deciding to let go and fall in love.

Relationships are a lot of work, respect and commitment.  If you think otherwise, it won’t last.  If there is deep love between partners, the challenges can be worked out.  Love is stronger than most anything that could happen to challenge your relationship. 

Sometimes, however, you may realize that your current relationship has run its course.  The love that once was between you is no longer there.  Many things cause people to leave one relationship to find another.  It’s all in the journey of life.  But it’s a loss of life and happiness for both people involved to stay together when the relationship is dead.

If you experience a breakup, you have to know that he/she is not the last person you are going to meet. There is someone new waiting…someone out there who will recognize your value, who will not leave or give up on the relationship, and who will keep trying because they want you in their life. 

There’s no room for infidelity, physical, emotional, mental, or financial abuse in a relationship.  They are deal breakers and should never be tolerated.  Be with someone who treats you like you are the most important thing in their life.

Don’t look for love…let it happen naturally.  Be out and about in the world, keep active, be happy, enjoy your life and the love will happen.

It is natural to want answers and clarity or even closure after a relationship ends.  But you don’t always get answers. Personally, I think closure is overrated.  The fact that the person no longer wants to be in your life is all the closure you need.  Learn to let go and let the next relationship happen.  Live your life in the meantime.

Stalking, being obsessed with one person, hoping and waiting for the person to come back, and failure to move on after a breakup is life-sucking torture, and only delays what you will have to do inevitably…move on.  You’ll have far more self-esteem if you never indulge in this humiliating behavior.  As hard as it is to break it off completely, the sooner you do the sooner you will meet the next person, or the right person.

You will meet a lot of people that you will have a relationship with before you meet the right person.  Knowing this helps you to let go and move forward sooner instead of hanging on to what’s over. 

Spend quality time on yourself.  Take good care of yourself by working on being well balanced so you know yourself better.  This brings clarity as to what it is you really want, and don’t want, and are willing to wait for.

Every person you meet teaches you more about what you want and don’t want in a partner.  These lessons and experiences are invaluable.  Looking at relationships that end in this way helps you to move on sooner.

Never settle…unless you want to be miserable.

You can’t make someone fall in love with you.  If you have to chase, convince, and push yourself on someone as to why they should love you, they are not yours anyway.

Happiness and peace of mind are way more important than having someone in your life that doesn’t care about you and is just an in the meantime relationship.

The best relationships have a strong underlying friendship.  It takes time to build a friendship, so go slowly with getting to know this person before letting go of your heart.

Relationships that end after just a few dates are meant to end.  This ending keeps you from falling in love with that person in what was going to end anyway.

Fall in love for the right reasons.  Money, power, prestige, looks, etc. will not replace love or what is important in a lasting relationship.  These things are fleeting and unfulfilling. Relationships without love are empty,

Attitude and beliefs have a lot to do with your relationships…like everything in life.  Love yourself and accept yourself just the way you are.  Be emotionally mature and responsible for your decisions.

Can’t bring the past with you when you start a new relationship. Just because something bad happened in a past relationship doesn’t mean it will happen again.  It’s not fair to you or your new person to let anything from the past affect this new relationship.

You deserve a good relationship

There’s not too much that can go wrong with the right relationship because both people will want to make it work.

Sometimes it’s the right person but the wrong time.  Give it a second chance.

Stop beating yourself up thinking you did something wrong when a relationship ends.  If it is the right relationship, the mistakes, etc., won’t matter.  If it is the wrong relationships, doing everything right won’t matter.

Know when to walk away…for your own peace of mind.

Although love is necessary for a quality relationship, so are honesty, loyalty, communication, trust and commitment (as well as other qualities).  Without honesty there is no trust.  Without trust and loyalty there is no relationship.

When you meet the right person, you mesh with each other and the relationship has a flow.  That doesn’t mean that it’s always going to be easy.  You have to stay committed even when times are tough.

Problems happen.  Work them out to resolution.  Winning and being right are not important.

Sex is paramount in a close, intimate relationship.  It’s a beautiful way to communicate.  I can’t imagine a close relationship without sex.

Independence, space and time for yourself is important.  Give each other the time to be themselves.

Little things matter, like appreciating your partner, compliments, thank you’s.  Never disparage each other.  And NEVER disparage the other parent to your children.

Put yourself first and the rest of life falls into place

By all means be yourself to attract the right person.  Ego’s and facades aren’t real and cannot be sustained in the relationship.

Let a person know your desires and intentions from the beginning.  Especially if you are serious about having a long-term relationship.  You don’t want to spend time getting to know someone who is not on the same page as you are.

When you know what you want the Universe (God, whatever you believe in) will give it to you.  You have to live by this and believe it.  (I’ve seen this happen)

It’s the way a person makes you feel and how you feel in that relationship that you need to pay attention to.

It’s an abundant world full of people looking to find someone to spend their life with in a meaningful, close, lasting relationship.  Go out and find him/her.

Affirmations to always think about

He/she is out there waiting for you to come into their life.

The right relationship will not pass you by.

The right man/woman will want you in their life and will make the effort.

The right relationship will work out

The one you are looking is looking for you (which is all the more reason to let go asap of the last one that didn’t work out).

The right person will love you for who you are and just the way you are. 



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